I Am Enough
Hello, my name is Kirsten and I am a procrastinator.
Yup, lifelong procrastinator here.🙋🏻♀️
In high school it wasn’t uncommon for me to study for tests the night before. Not with the subjects I did well in like english, history or biology, but those I didn’t, like math and physics. I would do everything else but those until I was down to the wire and had no other option but to do it or fail…and failing wasn’t an option!
And that’s where the procrastination was coming from. A fear of failing. A lack of confidence in certain areas. And not being ‘good enough’. While I was never told that I wasn’t good enough, it always felt like I had to show up in a certain way. It was expected that I would be well behaved, respectful, and get good grades. Anything less was met with disappointment. Never said, but deeply felt. So I showed up that way. It was part of who I was and I was proud to be ‘seen’ this way. But it wasn’t the whole truth of me.
The truth is that I don’t procrastinate all the time. In fact, there have been many times throughout my life that I have taken big, bold, audacious action! I moved out at eighteen. I chose to stay in Canada and become a citizen rather than moving back to the United States with my family. I became a police officer with all the learning and challenges that come with that profession. I took early retirement, leaving a stable career to follow a desire to make a contribution in a more profound and meaningful way. Helping people transform their lives. First through fitness and nutrition. Now through healing hearts from loss and helping them discover how to live their healthiest, happiest, most authentic life. Each of these steps required a giant leap of faith. Confidence. And Trust.
And yet, I still struggle with procrastination. And when I do it feels like I’m ruining my own life for no apparent reason. I overthink which creates anxiety and stress. I am a big-picture person. I can see the vision but can get lost in the minutia. Especially as an entrepreneur. I’m stepping out in a huge way, trying things I’ve never done before. Showing up in ways I never have before. Yet there is still a piece of that young girl who is afraid of not being accepted for who she authentically is. That if she shows up as the whole truth of who she is that she will be not quite ‘good enough’. But that’s what authenticity is. The daily practice of letting go of who we think we’re supposed to be and embracing who we are. (Brene Brown)
And the truth is, I am good enough.
I am worthy. I am whole.
We all are!
We are more than what we ‘do’. We are more than what we produce. We are both a masterpiece and a work in progress simultaneously. We don’t need to define who we are for anyone, including ourselves!
In Walt Whitman’s beautifully simple words;
“I exist as I am, that is enough”.