Step into the Unknown
I have to admit that being scared is not among my preferred emotions! And when I first read this week’s topic I thought: “Oh no!” But then things unfolded quite naturally and I am here to tell you how amazing it is to be successful despite being scared!
Let me back up a little. I’ve recently shared with you a conversation I had had with my doctor. I told her I wanted to fully heal from a specific “dis-ease” with the result of her totally telling me off saying while this was a good intention I will never be able to heal from this. The experience was confusing as well as making me feel utterly unsupported. I had trouble understanding how a health professional could not believe in the body’s ability to heal let alone crush my attempt to take charge of my own health.
Luckily the morning of this visit with my doctor I had been inspired to set up an appointment with another doctor a few weeks later. So while I set there taking in her reaction and just became quieter and quieter, there was one simple thought forming in my head: “Well, thank you, you just showed me you’re not my doctor anymore.”
I allowed things to settle for about a week and then wrote a goodbye letter to this doctor thanking her for her services over the year and letting her know that our last conversation had shown me that our opinions concerning important matters deviated so much I felt compelled to look for a new doctor.
This week I had the first appointment with said new doctor. I cannot begin to tell you how nervous I was! I was a wreck that morning. I had crazy thoughts running through my mind about how maybe this doctor was just like the old one or how she would refuse to have me as her patient. Would she see my attempts at healing as being as ludicrous as the other one had? Isn’t the brain a crazy little thing we carry up there in our skulls?
I had come prepared though. I had thought about what I wanted. So when I finally sat opposite of her in her gorgeous room (honestly I have never seen such a beautiful and calming doctor’s office!) and she asked me why I was there the words came tumbling out of my mouth: “I am looking for a new doctor with whom I can work in partnership to improve my health.” They were followed by the details of what I wanted to heal from and what I had done so far to work towards this goal.
After I was done with my little speech and she had typed everything into her computer she rolled her chair over to the other corner of the desk, looked me in the eye and while pointing at her screen said: “That’s wonderful! But what do you need me for then?” Wait, what? Wonderful. My attempts were wonderful? In her eyes, I was on the absolutely right path? You have no idea how those words uplifted my soul! All the fear was gone, and we had a detailed discussion about all the areas that needed to be covered to truly heal and how she could assist me. I couldn’t believe my ears when she even used the word self-reliance when talking about patients who take their health into their own hands, which is something she loves to support.
I guess I don’t need to mention I floated out of her office with wings on my feet, do I? Yet I really started to feel it when I was at home. Thinking back to what had happened that morning I noticed how good it feels to know she backs up my attempt of becoming such a self-reliant patient and is willing to support me with all the resources she has. So while scared is still not my favourite state it paid out to take this leap of faith and go look for the support I wished for!