Trust Your Wings
This week, as we discuss a hypothetical fortune and what we would hope for, I am blessed with the feeling that this exact situation has come true for me. If I received a fortune that said “A surprise announcement will free you”, I would have previously hoped for what happened last week…I would hope to be told that I am supported in working on my art business full time, and no longer required to put in time at the hospital.
Yes, I said it. Some pressures came to a head, and logic finally supported my decision to leave my hospital job, allowing me to receive my husband’s approval. I’ve known in my heart for years that I needed to leave — the only thing stopping me was the fear of letting my family down. With that off the table, I am free. I have worked my very last shift.
And I have no regrets.
I am free. Free to dream. Free to take action toward my dreams. Free to call myself an artist. Free to be an artist.
And yet, I still feel myself getting caught up in scarcity thoughts. My time is my own, yes, but money is tight and limits my ability to grow the way I would like to. I have to be more cautious. I feel like I need to be smarter about my time, and so I have been spending a crazy amount of time planning and trying to organize my time. Interesting…as I write this I see how perhaps I am not using my current new-found freedom to maximum potential. Yet, I also need for this to work, and I am pouring myself into my business with everything I have.
The last two weeks have been a whirlwind. A transformational shit storm, if you will. It is interesting to me that getting exactly what I have desired for so long has thrown me so off balance. But, I know it is going to be amazing, I know it. Everything is going to work out. Life is going to feel amazing because I am living my dream. I am being true to myself and following my heart.
This is a major step. I am walking away from a well-paying job that has supported me for 15 years. I spent a lot of time and money on education to get and keep the certification for this job. Initially, I loved it with every ounce of my being. It was, and still kind of is, my identity. What do you do? Oh, I am an x-ray technologist. But wait…not anymore. Care-giver burn out is a real thing. I got worn down and injured at work, and it was never the same since. I literally couldn’t get my head back into the game, because I suffered a head injury. For 5 years, I tried to get back and find joy in the hospital life again, but I just couldn’t. The more I tried, the more I needed coping strategies, and the more I leaned on my art.
I am redefining who I am. I am an artist and a mom first. I have dreamed about this moment for a while; now that it is here, I am feeling ill-prepared. But we are never really ready for our leaps of faith. They are always filled with an adrenaline rush followed by a “Wtf have I done?! Ah!!” And then…a new perspective takes hold. Everything finds its place and a new reality sets in, as wings open and you start to fly. I am still in the freefall, but my wings are ready.
Doing what you love may not always be easy, but it is always worth it. I am so grateful for this newfound freedom. I appreciate the opportunity I have been given, and all of the support that has been pouring in to help me succeed. Thank you for your patience. And I thank myself for the courage to trust my wings.